Returning back to school from the ground up was great.... Things could have swung either way, where it could have squashed any interest whatsoever in creating ANYTHING for the rest of my life.... or be an interesting re-ignition of a love affair with creating, after a marriage that went really really sour for awhile.
The odd thing is:
First time I started taking film classes, I felt indestructible and it was ok to make all the mistakes in the world- and everyone was enthused because it was all fresh and new to everyone else, too.... with no idea how far things would go, or where it would go.
I was pretty voracious with creating short films for awhile (no, a large percentage isn't up on youtoob)--- and I was enthused with jumping onto other people's shoots, helping out as well--- but I have to admit the disappointing reception to Vangelis and the immediacy and criticalness of the internet strangled the fearlessness that you SHOULD have in creating.
Thus, the endless procrastination with many of the projects that got uploaded later on:
Black Canary and Faith, are the most immediate things that come to mind. Announcing it on a blog and then not meeting deadlines just makes it so much worse. Ug.
It's weird and pleasant going back to night school. Before, I used to fret and care what the world thought about what I put up- to a point of paralysis.... now, so much time and pain has passed, (plus huger-scale real life issues that come with age), I don't care anymore... in a good way.
So, that's where my head is at.
In the meantime-
Yep, yep, yep...... I didn't forget Faith. The school is only a short few months. I want to finish Faith the comic- and -am figuring out the style choices for Black Canary- the whatever-format-I end up doing (not ruling out film, but more likely animation or comic).
If you're wondering about why I've got "Dredd" images on this post, it's because I finally caught the new "Dredd" movie that got some buzz on the net.
At first I thought it respectable but WAYYY underwritten (especially with great actors in the roles)--- I think with "True Blood" and "Game of Thrones" on HBO, it's upped the ante for doing a good balance of character and action. Those shows don't have great budgets (although they look pretty nice), but they make up for it by having great character development.
Still- in any case, the old "Dredd" movie with Stallone was goofy, noisy, and felt a little too Stallone-ized. (And not in a good way)
The new "Dredd" movie made me excited about the possibilities and wonder more about the source material more, enough so, that I ordered the Brian Bolland collection of it.
Anyhow- the year is off to a bit of a clunky/slow start. But hopefully this year is a game changer creatively. The community that's already come from a beginning film class has given me a much-needed jolt of enthusiasm, which perhaps was squashed by more fear of what the world thought these last few years.
I don't know who said that you need self-delusion to really create, but if that's not true, then definitely I think you need to feel a life force to create that's so big, you don't give a shite who thinks you're an idiot to ignore everything and everyone around you and just do it.
Wonder if that's how Steve Jobs and Ed Wood did what they did?