Lately I've been using bit time here and there to re-tool, re-edit, and do pickup shots for "Vangelis", my first 'fan film' based/spoofing the fantastic "Angel" tv series that was on the now-defunct dubya bee years ago.
That shoot, in brief, has been such an emotional rollercoaster in ways. I always thought it a slam-dunk for fans with low expectations of a fun fan film, but have come to realize that fans are just as critical of fan films as they are of blockbusters nowadays. Oy.
Anyhow, in spite of that, I'm also sitting on 40 HOURS of raw footage from a psychological melodrama that I shot more than a few years ago but have never edited due to all the frustrations with that particular shoot.
Not that I regret shooting any of the projects I've done.... each one is a new lesson learned- and one fascinating thing to me is how much each and every time that what you intend to shoot in your mind's eye is rarely what shows up on your computer monitor when editing at the end of the day.
In doing some pickup shots- what I find interesting is how ONE insert shot here and there can change things so much. The down side is that you can get carried away with the extra shots and frames and lose your objectivity in doing so- but if you can't trust your objectivity in creating anything... the implication that you can't trust your judgement in creating is incredibly frustrating.
Still... fairly normal to create anything late at night and feel excited about what you've made, only to go to sleep, wake up in the morning, and look at that thing you felt so great about the night before and think to yourself: "What the hell was I thinking???"
I've always believed the buddhist saying that "how you do small things is how you do big things"- but it's in how you apply that to work for you that I hope for in going back to the drawing board (literally and metaphorically). Sometimes it feels like it'll be an eternity before anything really turns out the way you want, but the hope is that invisibly over time one gets better, regardless of how frustrated one may be with where one is now.
Good god, this is a rambling mess. Back to work for now, and hoping that regardless of what I think, that I'm making some progress each time I go out and film or edit or draw. Or maybe it's not about what you feel about your own work, it's just doing it and shutting up. Hmp!